Despite having spoken with and submitted resumes to a good dozen technical recruiters, I’ve never once gotten a job as a result of speaking with a headhunter. Every job I have ever had came as the direct result of a personal connection; some friend playing “matchmaker” between myself and the employer.

So I’m skeptical whenever one contacts me. Especially when they use my “Monster.com only” e-mail address. And most especially when they use that address, but ask questions that are answered by the resume that address appears on.

Anyway, I got a particularly juicy one today, and thought I’d share it with the rest of the class. This guy called me on the phone and sounded like a telemarketer. His accent was so thick, I couldn’t place a word of his introduction; sounded like he said his name was “Chauncey K.” I couldn’t tell who he said he was working for, but it sounded like one of those stereotypical “Generic Business USA” names a scam operation uses when they want to sound legit. And when I asked what he was calling in regards to, he just repeated his name and rank like I was an enemy interrogator. So I hung up, thinking he was trying to hoodwink me into buying satellite service or life insurance or something.

Turns out he had something more devious in mind, because ten minutes later, I get the following e-mail from “Kant CK”:

From: “KANT@ABSI”
Subject: Attn Please: Need 3 HTML Developers at Columbus OH
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:01:11 -0500

Hello Travis Seitler ,

This is Kant CK at American Business Solutions Inc. based in Columbus OH. We have many Fortune 500 companies as our direct clients. We have potential openings for the following skills with one of our clients. Please let us know your interest with answers to the questions below and by providing your MS Word format resume.

Client has an urgent need for 3 HTML developers. They must have strong HTML experience with client-side web development. They should have 3+ years of experience, as they have recently had some issues with people who are too light in their experience. As you know, the environment is fast-paced and very flexible, so the experience will help them to be autonomous, yet not afraid to ask questions when they have them.

Client will interview very quickly, as they would like to have someone start on Monday, if possible.

Questions

Are you available to work onsite at client location in Columbus OH?
=>

What is your current location?
=>

There will be an In-Person Interview after telephonic, are you OK with this?
=>

How you rate yourself on scale of 10 for this position?
=>

Are you on a project or ending your current assignment soon?
=>

Have you given any interview recently, if yes, please mention client?
=>

How soon could you start?
=>

What is the expected Hourly Rate? On 1099 or on w2
=>

What is your Current Status? (Please mention: US Citizen / Green Card /EAD)
=>

Best phone number and time to call?

Please provide 2 professional references?

Thanks & Regards,
Kant CK
American Business Solutions Inc. (www.absi-usa.com)
(An Inc. 5000 & Columbus OH Fastest 50 Company)
8850 Whitney Drive / Lewis Center, OH 43035
Phone: 412-353-1089 (Direct) / 614-888-2227 (Office)
Email: kant@absi-usa.com / 614-917-2277 (Fax)
——————————————————————-
Partnership is our Service Philosophy
——————————————————————-

Now don’t get me wrong: I’m not such a snob that I’ll immediately reject an opportunity because it’s not presented the way I like. But there’s just too many missing pieces and red flags (coupled with a thick layer of boasting) for me to get too excited about this.

Plus, there’s the matter of asking me about things like my U.S. Citizenship status (which is clearly stated with any resume where they would have found this e-mail address).

And on top of all that, I did some quick digging and discovered that the guy’s name isn’t Kant, but Kanth. It’s not a huge difference, but it makes it seem like he’s the sort of person who tries to hide things… like the country he was born in. (Which seems a stupid thing to try to hide if you’re going to be calling people on the phone.) Dude, if you’re going to work with the tech community, you need to work on the transparency… pronto.

So after thinking it over, I decided I’d respond—but I wasn’t going to play the “desperate worker bee” role he was trying to shoehorn me into. If Kant wanted anything from me, he was first going to have to answer a few (reasonable) questions I had:

Subject: Re: Attn Please: Need 3 HTML Developers at Columbus OH
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:53:54 -0500
To: kant@absi-usa.com

Kant,

You’ve used an e-mail address which I only list on resume sites (all updated within the past month), so you already know about my location, skills and citizenship status.

If this is a serious offer (and not a “fishing expedition”), and if the client is truly looking to start someone on Monday? Then you will need to get back to me with the following information:

- Is this position temporary/contract or ongoing?

- As the work is to be conducted on-site at the client’s location, what are the hours of operation for this position?

- Given the timeframe for the hiring decision, the client will obviously already have an hourly rate in mind. What is that rate?

- You say client has an “urgent need” for 3 developers, and wants to start someone on Monday. What has the client done to the previous developer(s) to wind up in such a situation?

- What sort of development work is to be done in this position? “Client-side web development” is extremely vague, and no professional could rate their compatibility without more detail as to the actual job requirements.

I’ve dealt with recruiters before, and found the experience to be a waste of my time. Answering these questions will show me that American Business Solutions Inc. is a better than average recruiting firm.

Thank you,
// Travis Seitler

Could I have been more friendly? Certainly, but this is business: if a recruiter wants to get a commission off of my labor, they first need to earn my respect. Every single one of those questions is something I would need answered before I would waste any more of my time on such an “offer.”

I went back to work on projects for a few of my clients while I waited for a response. And I had just about given up on the guy ever writing back, when this lovely gem came back to me:

From: “KANT@ABSI”
Subject: RE: Attn Please: Need 3 HTML Developers at Columbus OH
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:57:44 -0500

Hello Travis,
 
I can understand your situation. But Its already late for submitting the resume for this position
If you are in need of job, Please send me your updated profile along with your contact details and your rate, if every thing is matching with the clients requirements then I will get back to you.
 
Thanks for you patience

Thanks & Regards,
Kant CK
American Business Solutions Inc. (www.absi-usa.com)
(An Inc. 5000 & Columbus OH Fastest 50 Company)
8850 Whitney Drive / Lewis Center, OH 43035
Phone: 412-353-1089 (Direct) / 614-888-2227 (Office)
Email: kant@absi-usa.com / 614-917-2277 (Fax)
——————————————————————-
Partnership is our Service Philosophy
——————————————————————-

Whaddya know… I ask a few tough questions about the job he approached me about, and all of a sudden it’s too late to submit a resume? But of course he’s more than happy to add me to his database of contacts. I’m sure that’s not at all why he tracked me down in the first place. Of course not–that would be deceptive!

Please notice how I told him that recruiters were, in my mind, a waste of time—but that he could convince me otherwise by answering my questions. He didn’t answer any of them (which he could have, regardless of my eligibility), so why is he even bothering to suggest I send in my resume anyway?

Sigh. And here I was so excited about this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I suppose next time I’m “in need of job,” I should put aside the stupid questions and just submit the resume before “Its already late.”

But as the weather started getting nicer, we came out of our hibernation! Memorial Day weekend in particular was beautiful, and we were all over the place. On May 21, we made our first visit to Graeter’s Ice Cream in Bexley.

Then on the 23rd, we drove out to see what they had at the Worthington Farmers Market. We didn’t really buy anything, but we browsed a lot.

The next day, we went to the 2009 Asian Festival at Franklin Park. The kids loved it:

After such a crazy weekend, Nicole needed a little “pregnant momma” time to recuperate. But after hanging out with the Grace Central crowd this past Sunday, I was able to convince her that it’d be a great idea to swing out to The North Market for lunch!

Nicole got a Greek Salad from Firdous Express, I got Lamb Curry from Flavors of India, and the kids picked off of both. Afterward, I picked up a downright amazing Buckeye Latté from A Touch of Earth! Seriously, I’m not kidding: peanut butter, chocolate and coffee all together in a single cup? YES PLEASE!

I’m going to be at WordCamp Columbus today! If you’re on Twitter, I’ve got it set to pass direct messages on to my cell phone (I’m *gasp!* not going to have a computer with me at the event). Just “D TravisSeitler” if you want to meet up… or if you notice some food between my teeth.

Last Monday, I went to return a few books to the library and our car wouldn’t start. So I jumped on the unofficial Oldsmobile Aurora forums, asked around on Twitter, and learned all about alternators on YouTube—but when we couldn’t even jump-start the thing Tuesday night, I admitted defeat and called for a tow truck.

(BTW, if you have any “in” whatsoever, get insurance coverage with USAA! They are, hands down, the absolute best when it comes to customer service.)

Anyway, on Wednesday I had the car towed to a shop that USAA recommended. The lead service tech there told me that they weren’t busy; they would have it looked at the same day, or by Thursday at the absolute latest.

When they closed for the weekend on Saturday afternoon, they still hadn’t even begun their diagnosis.

I was told that they would get back to me with a diagnosis by Monday, but I was told this by the same person who originally said Thursday… so I’m thinking it may be a while before we get our car back.

Meanwhile, food and diapers don’t replenish themselves (at least not here, and I don’t want to know if they do in your home), so I’ve found myself walking more this past week—including a 4-mile round trip to Walmart, with an ice-pack-filled backpack to keep the milk cool on the 40-minute trek back.

Then there’s some books that need to get back to the library, my very pregnant wife has an appointment with her midwife on Tuesday, and WordCamp is this weekend. There’s only so much in this city that we can accomplish by walking—or riding COTA—from this side of Whitehall.

In other words, this week is shaping up to be an interesting one.

• I’m stepping down as Art Director for Gemstone Publishing’s line of Disney Comics. My last day will be Wednesday, November 26th.
• Two days later, we’re loading up a truck and moving to Columbus, Ohio! (Thanks in advance to Rae Whitlock, who’s already agreed to round up some strapping young church men to help us unload the truck over the weekend.)
• I’m looking to take on some additional freelance web design and optimization clients. If you know anybody who’s looking for that, you can get yourself a 10% referral bonus (because I’m cool like that—also because I hate cold-calling). Just go on over to the “Feedback” page and pick your favorite way to get in touch with me.

UPDATE: According to Google Maps, this might be where we’re moving: