A Day In The Life Of A Bachelor

I wrote this poem… I dunno, years ago. (2001, maybe?) On a whim, I thought I’d try to track it down, because knowing my packrat habits, it was somewhere on the computer. Needless to say, I wasn’t into the typical poems you’re forced to read in high school. Oh well, here it is…

I walked inside the room and o�er
Into the kitchen, I did haste
To open up the fridge�s door
For I had hoped that I could taste
Some ham and cheese between wheat bread
Or, perhaps, a salad tossed
But oh, my heart was filled with dread
When fast, the odor wafted �cross
My nose. And what a smell it was
Which now began to fill the air
For covered deep, the food in skuzz
And so I said a little prayer.
Then out came moldy peaches, green
And also splotchy chowder soup
I tossed the curdled coffee cream
And �tater salad, turned to goop.
Digging deeper I soon found
Some bleu cheese, and I�m sure I knew
That way back when I bought that pound
The cheese was certainly not blue!
I can�t believe that I picked up
Four gallons of whole milk one night
But now my cat had chunky sup…
He�ll never know the difference, right?
Out went raisins; out went beans
(Where�d the grapes and sprouts get to?)
I went crazy as I cleaned
The squishy squash from off my shoe
Then pickles, eggs, and pickled eggs
Soon followed their o�er-ripened friends
And all the other nasty dregs
Until my cleaning reached the end.
I carried out two bulging sacks
And dropped them off along the curb
I hoped the dump would take them back
And not charge extra for my nerve.
Going on inside I got
A half and one whole piece of bread
That were not touched by blue-green spots
And so, a thought ran through my head.
I grabbed the only meat remained
Canned cat food�yes, acquired taste
But kitty�s got milk consomm�
And nothing more will go to waste.

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