(This was originally posted as a comment on Josh Harris’ blog. I have edited it slightly for clarity, as I seem to always think of a better way to phrase things after I click the ‘submit’ button.)

Josh,

As one of the former moderators for your message board (remember that old thing?), I know what a big deal it is for you to let some of these comments sit here.

And as a former SGM member (2 years at CCK, 2 years at Joppa), I want to impress upon you that those of us who have spoken publicly regarding our concerns with SGM… we’re not your Assyrians. We’re the donkeys to your Balaam.

You see, God has shown us the damage that you and other leaders are wreaking upon yourselves and your congregations. When we tried to bring this to you, it was received as sabotage—a rebellious attempt to divert you from your course—and the ‘rod of correction’ was brought down on us.

We were not in the habit of doing these things—of speaking in this way about these churches and leaders we truly loved—yet that was not taken into consideration when we refused to go down the path we were being lead. No, when that happened your focus was on your ‘crushed foot’, and the rod of correction was once more laid against our backs.

And for nearly all of us, this conflict came to a point where there was nowhere left to turn—we were being pushed toward a place we knew was wrong, but all you saw was our ‘prideful arrogance’ in refusing to go down that path. So once more we felt the sting of an ignorant rebuke.

And then, God gave us a voice.

God has used SGM Refuge and SGM Survivors to make you see what you could not—what you would not: this whole time, while you were being so diligent to ‘bring Godly church discipline’ to bear? We’ve been trying to save your life.

I and others certainly have scars from those beatings. Do not waste them. Please, do not rush through this time of repentance! There are quite literally thousands of God’s adopted sons and daughters who have been deeply wounded by the arrogance of SGM pastors. Not only do those former and current members need to see a vibrant repentance, but those pastors need you to set an example of Godly humility for them. Up until now their primary example has been C.J., and speaking as someone who was only ever a “rank-and-file” member? They have taken his example to heart—even the worst parts, the parts you thought you were successfully ‘covering’.

It breaks my heart to (even now) see messages from SGM pastors this past Sunday, calling for mercy toward C.J. but chastisement for those who have been hurt by his actions. Please—no more favoritism! Show as much mercy toward your critics as you wish to show toward C.J., and hold Mr. Mahaney’s feet to the fire just as much as wish to do with ours.

Though some have given up hope of those SGM pastors ever truly repenting, many (I daresay most of us) still cling to the hope that God will grant you all repentance (and, for many, reconciliation). I have to admit, I had almost given up hope. But (for the first time in nearly five years), when I listened to your message from this past Sunday I could actually begin to imagine that we might actually be reconciled this side of Eternity. I can’t think of an adequate way to express the hope that was awakened in my soul as I listened to your ‘humiliation’—it was like hearing a loved one’s seemingly terminal cancer had gone into remission!

You have our attention, Josh. But more than that, you have our full support. Don’t squander this opportunity! Let’s work together to really dig up that stone and get it out of the garden for good. Please believe me: your “Assyrians” don’t seek your destruction; we’ve been crying out to SAVE YOU from destruction. We gained nothing (and lost much) from doing so:

“The donkey saw me and turned aside before me these three times. If she had not turned aside from me, surely just now I would have killed you and let her live.” (Numbers 22:33)

So far, C.J. has only expressed the vague ‘repentance’ of King Saul. I pray it doesn’t end there. Your message on Sunday had more the heart of Josiah’s repentance, and this is far more encouraging. Thank you for taking this painful first step.